lettin go...

... *i can't describe it* ...

~untitled~

yesterday, i had my first ride on an ambulance... *sigh* i've always thought that i will go through this experience while gathring info fer news or my job.... i've nvr expected 2 go through this with a loved one. but i'm glad i waz the one who went to the hospital with him. i want to be with g'pa while he's sick... i wana b there with him, take care of him... at this point of time, i dunno wat else to do but hope fer da best.

i had great memories with g'pa. that i thank god for. i will nvr ferget da times i spent with g'pa. you will always remain in my heart.

2day, my uncles and aunts includin momy had 2 make an important decision... watever their decision is, i just dun wanna c g'pa suffer... i m prepared fer him to go but i'm not prepared to see him suffer... that's what made me cannot stop cryin. i dun want g'pa 2 b in pain...

plz god, do take care of g'pa ... ease his pain so that he won't suffer from it.

lets just pray....

21, full of fun...

i once saw this phrase on a keychain... it is partly true though... but fer me it's not totally filled with all da fun in da world. i officially turned 21 this mth... a wonderful thing though coz of all da $$ i got... hahah... hey money is essential fer da time bein u know... but the most priceless gift i received was my cam, a SONY Cybershot H1... jangan jealous you... :P

however, turning 21 also made me realize that i have many obligations that i have to fulfill. many things happened in this month... my finals, daddy's bro found out that he has a tumor in his lungs, g'pa was hospitalised coz he fell down, and now... family conflicts.

i did a lot of thinkin when i was cleanin the kitchen fer mum... it made me lost track of time and believe it or not... i finished cleanin da kitchen at 3am... a record fer me... hahah... i nvr realize that i could be that hardworking... :D neways, i decided that i might not get a job fer this 3 mths break... i'll help mom, take care of g'pa, and help dad, b his co-pilot when he has 2 bring his bro 2 UH. n aunt marg... mommy dun need 2 gimme allowance fer takin cake of g'pa... i never depend on my parents fer $$... i oni ask them fer $$ when i'm desprate (though it rarely happens)... money may be essential but it's not everythin u know... g'pa is my g'pa, my responsibility too!

all the thinkin and what happened today made me realized that respect is not given to us freely but it should be earned. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, take care, TCB... sorry, sorry... i got carried away... man dat song rocks!! neways, i came to that conclusion after losin my respect fer my unc n aunts... not all of 'em but some of 'em. seein how they treat g'pa n mommy, they really dun deserve my respect. though i would not show it out coz that would be disrespectful and make mom n dad hav a bad rep, but somewhere deep down my heart... i just know... THEY DON'T DESERVE MY RESPECT. if u're messin with my family then u're messin with me... u can bully me all u want but never ever touch those people i love!

some of u who read this may think that i'm rude, disrespectful n maybe a b'atch... go ahead... think whatever u want to think... it doesn't matter to me... coz i dun care abt what u think... all that matters to me are those people who are worth to be cared abt. mommy, i support u 100%... though at times u might b wrong (then i'll tell u off), we're human beings... we all make mistakes... i know i did... MANY TIMES!

well there isn't much that i can do but i'll try my best. one thing's fer sure... we will not be taken fer granted... i'll make sure of that.